Elder Care Guide and Information

Kevin Hoffberg at My Decide raised yet another interesting question: Should siblings be compensated for caring for mom or dad?

It’s a controversial question that really started me thinking. Like all good questions, this one raises more questions than answers.

On the surface, it seems like a good idea particularly when a sibling (typically a daughter or daughter in law) quits a job to provide the care. Cutting back hours or quitting altogether has a price. You lose the current income and insurance benefits and gain reduced retirement security. Plus, your life gets put aside. It can affect your marriage, your health and your financial security.

One question is “how much is that worth”? Not an easy question to answer. How do you define compensation? Time? Money? Services? All of these? Within a family, each member has a unique set of abilities and capacities. Some are better able to provide financial support, others emotional support or time.

How do you establish a “fair” compensation? To make this idea work requires sibling willing to sit down and hash out a meaningful understanding. Some families are blessed this way. Sadly, most aren’t. Plus, you need individuals who understand the value of planning before a crisis.

Once you answer that value question, the next one is “where will the money come from”?

In families with well-heeled parents, the source is obvious. But what about those families with limited resources? Who picks up the tab?

Following where the question leads runs straight into an unavoidable reality: families with bad family dynamics won’t be able to agree on a compensation scheme. There’s another element at play in the background, too.

Most of us prefer not to deal with a problem until it’s a problem. As Kevin mentions in his MyDecide post “99% of the people I know, myself included, are horrible procrastinators. We get in gear only when there are compelling reasons to do so . . . like a family crisis. But for that, we fill our time with what’s in front of us. ”

Figuring out what the compensation should be and where the money will come from requires exceptional family dynamics and a willingness to plan for the incapacity of aging parents. While the concept has a nice initial ring to it, I have my doubts you’ll see many families that warm to the concept.

What are your thoughts?

Mr. Eldercare

Filed under: Elder Care, Family Conflict, Money Issues